Imagine that you are on that lifeboat. Everyone begins to realize that the boat cannot stay afloat under its current load and somebody is going to have to take one for the team. So what are you going to do? You produce a list of reasons why everyone else should want to keep you on the boat: I’m a good paddler! I’m a doctor! I can tell really good stories to keep you entertained! I have three children and a wife at home who love me and are waiting for me! But you see, everyone else has reasons why they should stay on the lifeboat too. Everyone is trying to prove their value to everyone else in the boat. But the key in this situation is that it doesn’t matter what value you believe you have, only what value the others in the boat think you have. In other words, your validation comes directly from the other people in the boat. And all of you are hoping and praying that what you have done and who you are in life is valid enough to earn you a permanent spot on that lifeboat. But wait a minute, don’t we live our lives every day just as if we were in the lifeboat? In elementary school we strive for the best grades to receive the praise of parents and teachers; by middle and high school we sometimes don’t try our best for fear of being made fun of by our friends for being a nerd. Beginning in the teenage years, girls start working out and eating less to look like pop stars and fashion models, and guys start working out and eating more protein to look like weight-lifters and, well, fashion models, all because our collective society has decided to extol youth and superficial beauty. While these trends continue past high school, many of us start to focus on how to make money, either by going to college or learning a trade, because we all know that once you hit the real world your value is gauged by how much money you make. At some point most of us begin dating, trying to find that one guy or girl who will complete us, who will make us feel that we are the most important person in the world. Then we through a little religion in the mix to make us feel good, a sort of security deposit against death, just in case. In our quest for validation we are often tempted by shortcuts, and tragically many of us are caught by that temptation. Credit cards are a good example. Why wait to save up for that new 52-inch HD plasma TV? What about that new car, the latest fashions, the new watch that is a barometer, thermometer, and GPS device all in one? With that credit card you can have it now, and everyone else will be so impressed that you could afford it! Unfortunately, many girls are caught in the grips of anorexia or bulimia in search of that model shape, and some guys turn to steroids. In our education cheating can be a fast-track to that higher grade, which in turn leads to the better job, which of course leads to more money. And sadly, in our relationships, this quest too often tempts us into premature intimacy, marriage when we’re not ready, and most unfortunately, even rape. In our religion we often take one of two paths: a list-based, formulaic approach that treats our salvation as little more than a legal transaction, or a feeling-based hodgepodge of feel-good messages and promises of prosperity. And all of this boils down to our desire for the world to see us as successful, important, worthy, and valuable.
But none of these things ever fill that hole, do they? The car breaks down, the fashions change next season, technology is eclipsed, and the credit card bills come back to haunt you. We end up harming or destroying our bodies in search of a fleeting beauty and that cheating catches up to us when we’re fired for incompetent work or embezzling money. Then you wake up one day and can’t remember why you fell in love with your wife, or you realize that you’ve been allowing your boyfriend to use you in exchange for a sense of security, but now you don’t feel so secure anymore. Our religion fails us when we fail to cope with loss and grief, and we convince ourselves that a loving God is an oxymoron. And then you realize that hole is still there in your life despite everything you’ve tried to cram into that empty space. And your heart tells you, there must be something more.
To be continued...
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